Robert Pepper's Five Stages of Cerocers

You've come to this page because you've asked a question similar to
What are the different stages that Cerocers go through ?

This is the Frequently Given Answer to that question, originally published in an article by Robert Pepper that has - alas! - dropped off the face of the World Wide Web, and preserved here (with typographical errors corrected) for posterity.

Most people go through the following stages:

The "Are you serious?" Stage

"What ? Rock and roll dancing ? Yeah right, so what do we do dress up as the Fonz or something ? How about a nice beer ? That'll take your mind off it."

"Dance ? Who, me ? No way …."

The "Wow !" Stage

"Amazing ! Now I have seen Ceroc I am truly amazed ! All those people having so much fun. I never knew this existed. Why didn't you tell me before ? You knew I'd like this ! What sort or a friend are you anyway ? Excuse me, do you want to dance ? Please ?"

The "I'll never do it." Stage

"I'll never do this. All those moves, so quickly. And I got stepped on today. Everyone is so good at this. I'm the world's worst Cerocer. No, I'm the worst Cerocer in the history of the world; and probably the worst in the future too. If Terminator 4 came back through time from the 29th Century he'd say they still haven't found a worse Cerocer than me."

"I am so embarrassed about dancing with people. I just waste the time of the good people because I can't lead/follow/think of new moves/stay upright/hear the beat/look like I'm having fun. I really feel bad for just daring to even exist in the same room as these superhuman dance machines."

"And if I dance with someone the same level as me then I don't learn anything and don't help them to improve either. Who can I dance with ?"

The "Dammit I wish I didn't have to eat, sleep, or drink so I could spend more time Cerocing." Stage

"What do you mean you don't want to dance tonight ? Come on, its only the 8th consecutive night. Are you a Real Cerocer or what ? And I'm dying to practice my new move, you know the quadruple spin with a half nelson backhander return Wurlitzer baked bean hatchback sway comb, hairdryer and cherry on top. Plus I want to see if I can get through the entire evening without repeating a move — well, maybe variations only…."

The "Ceroc is Cool." Stage

"Ceroc ? Yeah, cool dance. I go once a week or so, mainly to see friends. Good exercise too, great place to meet people and lots of fun. Why don't you come down one evening ? It's rock and roll dancing…"

So now you know. It takes on average about four months to work through the whole cycle.

©1996, 1997, 1998 Robert Pepper. Use this anywhere, just credit me ;-)

© Copyright 2003 Jonathan de Boyne Pollard. "Moral" rights asserted.
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