The Five Unmistakable Marks

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What do you mean by the Five Unmistakable Marks?

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Come, listen, my men, while I tell you again
the five unmistakable marks
by which you may know, wheresoever you go,
the warranted genuine Snarks.

Let us take them in order. The first is xyr pals,
who are lurkers that are, without fail,
nameless and never come forward themselves,
but support xem in every e-mail.

The next is projection. All else xe accuses
of doing what only xe does.
This lie is one of xyr favourite ruses.
It always gives xem a buzz.

The third is xyr habit of thinking the rest
of the group is not many but one.
"You're all my archnemesis!" xe'll loudly protest,
and thus claim that xyr argument's won.

The fourth is xyr fondness for quoting part thoughts —
"Hit reply before reading." xyr game.
Your careful paragraphing avails you nought
when xyr reply-to-each-word gun takes aim.

The fifth is distraction. When shown to be wrong,
xe'll then start to comment on you.
Xyr aim: To bring foolish third parties along,
and create a hullabaloo.

© Copyright 2007-2007 Jonathan de Boyne Pollard. "Moral" rights asserted.
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