The VolksWagen Lexicon

A small dictionary of words and phrases that you may find useful when speaking with VolksWagen owners.


A taxi service used by VolksWagen owners to make car journeys. Notice that like so many taxi companies, it has chosen a name that places it as early in the Yellow Pages listings as possible.


A type of insect that likes to use a VolksWagen for its habitat. VolksWagens sitting rusting in people's front driveways are a common habitat for beetles. Beetles prefer them to other habitats, because they and their offspring can live undisturbed there for years at a time.


See wheels.


The pristine factory-shipped condition of a VolksWagen.


A VolksWagen model that allows VolksWagen owners to take holidays without all of the tedium and expense of leaving their own front driveways.

continental drift

An alternative source of motive power, popular with environmentally conscious VolksWagen owners who are concerned by the emissions from tow-trucks.

front driveway

The common location for a VolksWagen. See bricks.


The sport that motor mechanics take up, after VolksWagen owners have paid them so much that they can afford membership of a country club.

Haynes Manual

A work of fantasy literature, much beloved by VolksWagen owners. Often compared to the Harry Potter novels, it depicts a make-believe world where VolksWagens can magically transport themselves around without the benefits of tow-trucks.

VolksWagen owners have been known to dress up in Haynes Manual costumes and attend owners' conventions where they enjoy pretending that they can "repair" their VolksWagens.

motor mechanic

Labourers paid by VolksWagen owners to keep their VolksWagens in the same pristine factory-shipped condition that they bought them in.

See broken and Golf.


A portable in-car entertainment device used by VolksWagen owners to amuse their children as they wait for the AA to arrive. One popular sat-nav game is "AA Route Planner", which allows children to try to guess the route that the AA transporter will use to reach their destination, before it arrives.


A scheme by the U.K. government to allow VolksWagen owners to pay no tax, because of the reduced carbon emissions of the modern factory-shipped VolksWagen.

See broken and front driveway.


The part of a VolksWagen that powers it. The amount of motive power conveyed is a topic of great interest amongst VolksWagen owners.

Example use:

"I just bought a new VolksWagen today."

"Really? What size tow-truck did you use to get it home?"


The part of a VolksWagen that conveys the motive power from the tow-truck to the wheels.

  1. A radio communication that lets a tow-truck driver know that another person has just bought a new VolksWagen.

  2. A similar radio communication as used by the AA.

vehicle licence

A penalty scheme imposed by the U.K. government upon non-VolksWagen owners, for their carbon emissions.



Specialist devices used to keep VolksWagens off the ground. These are a favourite of VW "car modders", who buy them to upgrade their VolksWagens from the standard bricks as used in front driveways.

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